Sometimes I miss my relationship with my pen

Haven't written anything personal online or on a piece of paper in a long time. Its almost like I'm too scared to share my thoughts with myself anymore. I remember the days I couldn't wait to write in my journal....right before bed, in between classes, on the bus 45 minutes to my shitty ass part time job at the mall or when I was feeling hurt and confused. The days I had no religion, no romance, no extraordinary life...my pen was my therapy. It kept me strong, hopeful, optimistic and most importantly it kept me dreaming.


Not too long ago I came across my old journal. It was really crazy reading it ... I'm really proud of my growth as a person. Some things I laughed at thinking Jesus Dionne was it that bad.  Umm Maybe I was a little mellow dramatic or maybe at the time I was just so overwhelmed with a million emotions. These days I tend to just ignore shit or block it out even if it stings a little. I don't even bother writing it down.. I try sometimes but I end up wasting a paper or just closing my laptop.


Therapy has turned into 30 minute phone convos with friends who listen but really dont give a shit because they have their own issues to deal with. Still we continue to take turns listening to each others stories but its not the same and I just want back what my pen and I had.


i miss you


xoxox